A few weeks after the funeral I heard the song "Cowgirls Don't Cry" by Brooks and Dunn on the radio for the first time. It literally brought me to my knees...and to tears. The words described so much of what I was going through that I could hardly believe it. It's about a girl and her Daddy, and riding horse and a horrible phone call from Mom and about being strong and not crying because that is what he would want her to do. Everything in the song (except the part about her husband being a louse...because Eric isn't!) could have been written directly for me.
So today, in honor of my Dad and all that we shared with riding, I put together a slide show of my growing up with horses and riding with him to the song. It makes me feel sad and strong all at the same time. If you've been wondering how I've been doing, that sort of sums it up. Last weekend I finally rode for the first time in over six months. It was good to be back on my horse, but it will never, ever be quite the same. It was such a huge loss, but he really is a part of who I am...that doesn't go away....and I don't ever want it to. When I ride, it feels like he's there with me...that alone is reason enough to keep riding. And in time I hope that the sad will fade and the strong will carry on.